As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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