i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
