i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
