just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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