K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
