Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
