I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
