Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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