I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
