hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
