you win again, gameday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
