therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
