Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
