Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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