Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
