since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
