Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
