whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
