I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
