All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
