I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
