Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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