maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am one with the molecules
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
