i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
