Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
