i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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