I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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