so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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