I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
