The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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