If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
