He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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