If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
did i just pee glitter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
