Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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