How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
