this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
