I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
