you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
