I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize
