rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
