How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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