She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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