Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bring money and cleavage
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
