he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
