I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
