Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
