Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
