It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
