oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
