whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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